waterpark slide report

being there with my sister transported me back to childhood trips to “elitches” (not sure what it is or was or has ever officially been called or how it’s spelled) in denver. after shepherding my kid around the smaller structures, failing to entice him up or down anything, and facilitating some play with cousins, I whispered to my wife asking for permission to abandon my post

teen cousin talked me into doing the gnarliest one first: prospector’s pan. you plunge immediately into deep darkness and then wind up going round and round this huge toilet bowl, and get flipped pretty much upsidedown when it spits you out

middle road one is probably the most pure fun, and they let you go down double. that one goes outside the building briefly, which is novel but happens so quickly and in the dark that it’s probably more of an eyecatching gimmick for people passing by on the highway (and a hassle for building maintenance)

then there’s the claustrophobic tubeless / body-only luge, kinda rough on the shoulder blades and “thrilling” but not really “enjoyable”

returned to kid duty, and enthusiastically recommended the middle slide to my wife. she would most likely have sat it out, but didn’t wind up needing much convincing

when she came back she said it was fun, but that her neck and back and head hurt, and she thought she might have whiplash

after lunch (1.5 hotdogs, diet coke) and some downtime (kids on tablets in hotel rooms to forcibly rest their weary bodies) we went back to greet the next wave of family in the waterpark

this batch of adult relatives mostly sat, so those of us with kids got back in the water. the space was cavernous and echoey, so the only way to co-exist comfortably with the noise was to contribute to it. the little ones were most interested in these fountain jets that they could stand, sit, and lay on. they discovered they could redirect the stream at each other. they started kicking and smacking the already airborne water. it was mostly acceptable kids-area behavior except for when the smallest of babies came crawling by. some other family was kindly sharing some toys that were fun to make race down the shortest slide. they were also fun to throw, but I tried to discourage that without going so far as to exert any actual disciplinary authority, figuring I’d need to save that for later

felt the impulse to ride a slide again, curious whether it might be possible to deliberately get stuck spinning in prospector’s pan or, alternately, go more quickly down its hole without having to swirl around so much. tagged in another adult to be attentive but not-too-near the kids (proximity seems to escalate conflict, while calm and slightly peripheral supervision allows them to work things out in their own way). tip-toed over to wait for someone to surrender a tube, climbed the ~4 flights of stairs, and launched myself down

satisfied, climbed out of the landing chute / lazy river and readjusted my clinging shorts. felt around back and noticed that the tiny key pocket had come unzipped. my hotel room key and credit card were gone

the lifeguard monitoring the bottom of the slides said she’d come find me if she found anything, but the way she said it conveyed the impossibility of that actually happening

decided to ride the slide one last time just to see if my cards were swirling around prospector’s pan. didn’t manage to enjoy this trip down. just joyless sliding

family acted more alarmed about my loss of cards than expected. tried to downplay it. dad insinuated that I hadn’t adequately zipped the zipper on my shorts. people commiserated about having to cancel my credit card and update all my accounts. privately decided I wouldn’t bother. if the card wasn’t lost, surely it’d be damaged enough not to work anymore

my wife went to get me a new room key card, and then went back to the hotel room to lay down, leaving me in charge of my son. my sister went to ride more slides with teen cousin, leaving me in charge of her son. little cousin playtime was fun. love my nephew. he’s 3. he’s so tiny. he said he had to go potty, so the three of us waddled over to the bathroom in the cold hallway outside the entrance. asked him “pee or poo” and he didn’t answer. he pulled down his pants and tried to sit in the urinal. airlifted him to the throne. it took him longer than it takes my kid, but we were all patient, and he did good. after, we got dip’n dots from the concession window

I’ve since been monitoring my credit card activity online. nothing suspicious showing up. there was one big charge for an airbnb, but my wife said not to worry about it, it’s for a trip she’s taking. I’m not worried about it. don’t worry about it